by Blake Carrington Johnson

 

Most of all problems in relatonships begin at the foundation. If you build a house on sand it will sink. Perhaps not at first, but when the pressure comes and the rain flows, the house will be victimized by the element of force. A relationship has a similar relationship in terms of destruction. Under the pressure of lifes up and downs, the inablility to communicate and problem solve, and unresolved issues from childhood or previous relationships, one may find themselves in a very bad situation that may appear to be overwhelming. The stages suggested are under normal conditions and is just a model. This model will help you to establish some problems when certain aspect of the foundation are not in order. It is for this reason we believe that relationship takes work and preparation. If you want a good relationship there are some things you can do in advance to help improve the chances of a respectful, loving relationship.

 

 

Stage 1 is Titled: Attraction- The attraction can be instant or develop in stages. It can be Physical, Spiritual, Emotional and Sexual. Most relationships come from a physical nature and this fuels the attraction to eventually over a period of time a sexual relationship.

Stage 2 is Titled:Early Commitment:The reason its called early commitment is because more information about the the person is need to proceed to a more viable relationship, that will develop beyond the surface and become more caring.

Stage 3 is Titled : Identiy Emerge- This occurs when two individuals begin  to relax and true likes and dislikes surfaces, which usually lead to conflict in the relationship due to differences in perception about values, religion, relationship roles and compatibility or the inability to communicate through conflict.

Stage 4 is Titled: Conflict and Resolution: This occurs when the parties in a relationship are not in agreement with each other about ideas, values or outlook. During this stage the couples learn to use techniques such as Fair Fight and other conflict resolution techniques to overcome differences. At this point in relationships couples begin to understand that the relationship can move forward if communication are mostly positive and there is pleasure when they are in each other company the majority of the time. This give rise that the relationship is in line toward commitment and exclusiveness with one partner. Armed with the successful completion to the previous stages will give rise to the future of a good solid long term relationship.

Stage 5 is Titled: Commitment- In this stage the goals of maintaining caring, happiness and joy are frequent. The happiness is both internal and external. The relationship direction are inline with one's values and are not confounded by violence, drugs and alcohol, disrespect, selfishness, one sidedness. In this stage the aspect of family or the connectiveness to each other families are develop positively. This is the foundation stage for marriage and leads to true love.

Stage 6 is Titled: Ethical Love- In this stage the partner happiness is considered highly. Not in a negative sense, but one of caring about what happens to your partner and true concern about the partners reaching their potential and wanting to be a part of their joy and their completeness and companionship and sharing. This stage requires both parties to maintain a balance of unselfishness and is the ultimate stage for every relationship.

 

Problems encounter in the Stages

Ideally these are the stages that will optimized relationships overall, however the problems in any stages, most people do not follow the order of stages because of frustration in relationship, lack of patience, or just plain the unwillingness to change cycles or patterns of learned behaviors.

_{Stage 1 problems} is that we often tell ourselves that we are happy and not really looking for a partner. But when a person is lonely they are at risk for being attracted to individual that our senses may react to and become activated with or without our permission. 

The problems associated with stage 2 is that we allow are physical  attractiveness or sexual desires to control how we proceed in getting our needs met physically and we attempt to satisfy our flesh and do not take the time to ask questions, examine values, especially spiritually or truly investigate if the person we are interested is damage goods or overwhelmed by unresolved past abuse or relationship concerns. After a relationship become physical and its is satisfying, the blinders hides the true person behind lust and a outward physical appearance. The Problems associated with stage 3 are related to the fact that most people don't expressed their true feeling about things, because they do not want their partner to learn their motive for being involved with the relationship. They also don't want to put the relationship at risk by bringing up differences that may compromise who they truly are.By not revealing ones true self conflict may be held to a minimum, but this may cause stuffing and resentment if many issues are not addressed early.  Stage 4 is problematic because many people have lack the ability to solve problems or communicate to another person in a respectful manner. Many people don't know how to disagree or communicate in a respectful manner.  In addition the issue of power and control had become a back and forth competing within most relationships, and has caused most of the overall relationship problems along with jealousy, and entitlement. The lack of respect while trying to solve problems and not controlling voice tones and body language is very problematic. Non-verbal communication issues and frustration has also caused many problems doing this stage to create misunderstanding. Problems associated with Stage 5 has centers around the lack of experiencing and building a solid foundation. When relationship skip from early commitment to commitment causes a lack of knowledge about ones partner experience, desires or what makes one complete. If this stage is rushed into the differences and the inability to deal with conflict can cause a life time of destruction, especially when children are involved as a result of early commitment without knowledge about the partner and their behaviors.

Stage 6 may is very rarely truly achieved. This is due to the inability to work the above stages with patience and understanding. I submit that if you use these stages as a guideline that possibility of achieving a successful relationship improves greatly.

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Professor Blake Johnson